Who Am I?

“How are you only ‘OkAy’ in English si tu sabes más ingles que nuesotros”, continues to echo in my head. There are always going to be times where my parents are going to tell me to read and translate something and I’m there helping but they are times where I won’t know how to explain. That’s where we can bump heads sometimes, otherwise we are just joking how my brain doesn’t work anymore. Honestly, maybe it’s true, since I’m bilingual I got to speak and think in both languages and because of that I forget both sides. 

In 5th grade, I was put into this class which was a substitute for writing which at first I didn’t know why. But as I went to 6th garde and took the first writing class since elementary, let’s just say I was NOT ready. Let me rewind back to elementary, during this stage most of it was a blur but the most memorable was the last few years of it. My school only went up to 4th grade so I had to transfer to a new school. I had an amazing teacher who I had for 1-2 grade, her name is Ms.Rodriguez. A little context for my audience, I am a latina girl, I am Mexican-Ecuadorian and I would like to say a ⅓ Jewish because of my second family I grew up in. I would use it as an advantage sometimes. But as many have said before, when they come across and realize I speak Spanish, they would mistake me for my background. Many people would assume I’m Asian because of my facial appearance, especially my eyes. So when there are those times people would speak Spanish around me and gossip about me I would respond to them back in Spanish. I love to see their reactions to me knowing what they said. 

Going back, my school had a dual language class where students who speak Spanish or Spanish is their first language. But I was never put into those classes. The reason I am explaining this is because I haven’t had anyone teach me porper English so I am more self taught where I would just translate it myself and now I don’t know all my Spanish words (and because I’m an Introvert and generally don’t like speaking to people). Definitely in that class that’s where I flourished and became one of the best students and noticed I was really good at English and Math. And during the last 2 years I had substitute after substitute so I had trouble with asking for help but still maintained my grades constant. The transition of middle school I learned I needed to improve my writing skills because I was more robotic or just knew the basics and then I was so used to the basics that in highschool and now I have to be more creative and think outside the box. And personally, during my last year of high school my teacher wasn’t the best and didn’t give much good advice so I struggled with finding what’s the right way to write. And this made me hate English class and dislike writing in general. 

 Last year of high school, 12th grade English composition was my worst experience yet. I already dislike, I wont say hate because they are parts were defintiely is easier compared to other class, English as it is, but include my teacher on top of it = incompatible. In the first couple months of classes I didn’t want to be early on to judge, but boy I was wrong I should’ve dropped the class or just transferred to a different class. During exams and finals preparations is where he got me stressed. He would grade the way he would approach if it is wrong or write and won’t explain clearly what exactly to fix your writing. And then because of the pandemic he spent most of his time having kid issues. I understand that you should take care of your family but what about the students? As a class we talked about how he should find a babysitter or at least he should have the class on zoom. At least that time is over and enjoying my new experiences.

Moving on to a more reflection, If I could explain my wrting or how I would write for me it is easier to create a story rather than think of something sophisticated. Because I honestly don’t know where to start in my writings. It is hard for me because my anxiety levels start rising and then I would lose concentration on what I want to write about, and time goes by. So I am still working on how to become my own person and have my own voice. I want to take these influences from the other resources such as getting inspired and take the style of writing from other amazing writers such as Jennifer Tamayo, Jamaican Kincaid, and many others. I can hear their voices and invison their personality through their writing. And I like to be able to express myself, my voice, my personality, my character in my writings and become someone else’s role model or inspiration too. 

 I am more interested in art, like I am influenced visually and express myself through art weather that is dance, music, drawing, fashion and photography. I want to express my writing as my canvas, to create a sort of movie scene. Now this would be another turning point into blooming my creative juices, if I have any. Anyways, I would like to incorporate some Spanish into my writing because it is something that connects to me but also to the rest of my audience. I want to represent my culture and my people, showing that I am able to try and show my story but also their stories too and hopefully people would be able to relate to my content and enjoy it as well. We will see where my writing journey will take me and much improvement I will make.